Sunday, October 08, 2006

The Other Woman

I’ve become very aware of the fact that I’m the other woman. The “other” woman. I don’t think I want to be the other woman. I want to be “the” woman. I want to feel special and loved and needed and wanted every day, not just the days he can meet me, not the days that he’s horny, not just in a hotel room.

I want to have my cake and eat it too. I want comfort and love and commitment mixed with mind blowing, fuck-me-like-there’s-no-tomorrow sex. And why can’t I have that? Am I not special enough? Not pretty enough? Not a good enough lover? Does anyone have that?

I don’t blame her or even him. I know he loves her. I know she’s special and believe me, no one wants to protect her and her feelings more than me. I know he’s doing the right thing in staying, as am I, but there’s a part of me that also knows I’m settling for less than what I want or even what I think I deserve.

I’m strong and independent and self sufficient. I learned at a very young age how to take care of myself, how to survive. Part of that survival involved becoming a bit cold and accepting that sometimes we do things out of necessity, not out of passion. I settled for less in an effort to make life easier, not knowing that I could or even wanted more. Now, many years later I’m still in this situation of comfort and ease, trading in fervor and excitement and what would ultimately feel best for me.

I just want to be chosen. I want someone to be willing to give everything to me, not just a hard cock and a few stolen hours. I want to be special every day and know that I’m with the one person I can’t live without. I want to know that he’s with me because he can’t imagine one morning or night without me.

Perhaps it’s selfish. Perhaps it’s unobtainable. I may never know. I want it nonetheless.


Blogger frhe sjgg said...

Oh Dirty Secret Girl,
you said it so well... I've been there/done that. It almost killed me finally...

Here is the choice... If you compromise who you are and what you want to settle, deep down it never feels good, your self-esttem and self-respect and self-confidence all take a beating...

If you refuse to accept less than an available man in every sense of the word - you have to learn or accept being content/alone until the right man really comes in.
Who values what you value and values you enough to treat you/have you as #1 and the only one, without hesitation...

It comes down to how you secretly feel inside about how you believe you deserve to be treated.

We have belief systems that tend to say :

There a scarcity of good men out there - better get what I can right now regardless of the price I pay...

Or... I am holding firm to knowing that it is worth holding out for the man who is good for me, to me and with me -- and only me....

The married man you are seeing is having his cake and eating it to right now... But you only have the crumbs...

Sometimes it's worth it. Sometimes it sucks...

With empathy,
Anne Elizabeth

8/10/06 1:17 PM  
Blogger Rae'sSecret said...

That is not selfish at all, and I hope you find a way to make it your reality.

8/10/06 1:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know your words all too well. I hope that he does choose you. We all deserve to be chosen by the person we love.

8/10/06 10:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

DSG, I've been there and I'm still there. Your words are always exactly what I'm feeling and going through...I just can't say it as eloquently as you can.

Another "Other" Woman

9/10/06 3:13 AM  
Anonymous pure evyl said...

It is the human condition to want what one can not have. Knowing something is unattainable does not preclude wanting it. Take care.

9/10/06 1:03 PM  
Blogger alphagirl said...


I read this yesterday and was struck by how your words were words that have been running around in my head for years...and today - all of it came home to roost (so to speak).

An assignation was arranged and carefully planned for...I traveled to meet him planning my work activities carefully so that we would have the opportunity.

and it all fell apart - early in the day his schedule changed and he was no longer able to meet.

I hate how I feel - about him and more importantly about myself tonight...being the other woman (even when you have your own man at home) gets to be too much sometimes...just too much.

Your words struck a cord - I just want to occasionally be the most important person in his life...I don't even need every day - just one occasionally and especially when it is carefully planned...


9/10/06 7:46 PM  
Blogger Spice said...

I don't think it's too much to want. I think it's no less than what you deserve, and I hope that it all somehow works out for you. I completely agree with Anne Elizabeth: "The married man you are seeing is having his cake and eating it to right now... But you only have the crumbs..."

Crossing my fingers for you,

11/10/06 10:38 AM  
Anonymous a man said...

Anne Elizabeth said: "The married man you are seeing is having his cake and eating it to right now... But you only have the crumbs..."

That's a complete lie. DSG entered into it knowing the score. She can continue with him or walk away any time as can he.

And DSG is married, too, right? So why is it the "evil guy" who has it all and DSG who must "only have the crumbs". That's just Whiny Woman bullshit.

Stop painting the man as the bad guy. If you think the man is wrong, so is the woman engaged in it with him.

Be an adult, gals, and stop blaming men cause you agree to something then change your mind and decide to act all hurt about it. It's really pathetic.

12/10/06 3:59 PM  
Blogger Finn McCool said...

I've been there. I know it all too well. I hope you can convert the dream to reality. I know it will not be easy, but the reward to too great not to try.

I wish you luck.

13/10/06 3:34 PM  
Anonymous njbird said...

Having an affair is like being thrown a life preserver....the trick is to stop holding on so tight and learn to float on your own and just go with the learn to wait and have faith and just get on with your own life....he will find you.

14/10/06 9:35 AM  
Anonymous Bruce said...

I was the "other man" for a couple of years a while back. At one point, we were making plans, then guilt set in on her part, and that was that. While it didn't last, I'm not sorry it happened.
The only thing I can tell you is to absolutely make sure that this is what you both want, because if there is the slightest bit of trepidation on either side, then it could blow up in your faces.

17/10/06 1:00 PM  
Anonymous Na said...

My married man and I make the best of it. Neither one of us is going to destroy the lives of other people but the human condition demands being loved and wanted. If we love and want each other knowing how it must play out then we both win. Being together makes our "situations" tolerable...sometimes making the best of a situation is all you can do. I would flounder without him...he helps me survive my life; for that I am grateful. His love for me amazes me.

6/2/07 10:35 AM  
Blogger redridinghoodinky said...

OMG!!! I thought you were talking about me!!

26/5/07 6:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I want it too...

24/4/10 10:02 PM  

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