Monday, October 16, 2006

Beginnings

We met in an unconventional way. We have an unconventional relationship. Most of the people we know and love and trust would not approve. None of that matters. We know what we have is real and valid and precious. We think we’re lucky to have found each other.

Some months ago we connected. He said things that intrigued me, made me want to know more. He’d have to tell you what attracted him to me, but I imagine it was some of the same, along with a nice shot of my tits of course. For whatever the reason, we were drawn to each other, both needing a little something more than what our current situations offer.

We began innocently enough, exchanging email, chatting, finding we had a many things in common and yet accepting the not-so-common. Eventually there would be a phone call and more. Finally, there was a confession on both our parts of real feelings and desires that neither of us really knew what to do with. At some point, we recognized the need to meet for real, in real life, to act on all the fantasies we’d role played and typed and talked about. That need has built for some time.

And now we draw close to that time. Plans have been made. The anticipation is intoxicating. There are so many things I look forward to. I long for that first kiss, the first time our tongues meet. I can’t wait to feel his hand on my face, my back, in my hair, on my ass. I can’t wait to touch him, feel his body close to mine. I can’t wait to feel his amazing cock pressed against me, growing in anticipation. I wonder how long we’ll wait. I wonder if we’ll pause and savor the moment or be fucking like animals in mere minutes. Will it be soft and tender or passion mixed with frenzy?

Of course there are fears too. At least on my part. While I know all I need to know about him to be certain that I’ll be attracted to him and enjoy spending time with him, I worry that he won’t feel the same. He’s seen accurate, current pictures, but I’m afraid he’ll see me in person and decide I’m nearly as sexy as he thought.

Beyond that small fear is a much larger one. Part of me is quite fearful that things will be just as perfect as we’ve imagined. That must sound crazy, but it is true nonetheless. What if we’re perfect together? What if he satisfies me like none other? What if we have a bond that send us spiraling into a love so deep that nothing else can compare? What if it’s a burden to go back to our real lives and pretend that nothing happened? Are we opening a Pandora’s box that will be impossible to close? I don’t know.

I do know that there’s no turning back now. I fully intend to see this through. It may very well be the most selfish thing I’ve ever done, but I have convinced myself that I deserve it. I owe it to myself to be with someone that craves me as much as I crave them. I owe it to myself to quite possibly feel what true, passionate love feels like physically. I’ve never wanted anything as much as I want this.

4 Comments:

Blogger She Can Not Say said...

I've felt all that too...I met my on-line lover for the first time a month ago...all the anticipation..the nerves, the fears, the wondering. What was it going to be like, the first time I looked into his eyes..kissed him for the first time. It was perfect. All the fears were gone the minute we laid eyes on each other. We fit together perfectly, it was perfect. I only wish we could have been together longer.

It will be fine, you will see. You've spent so much time getting to know each other already..

16/10/06 11:24 PM  
Blogger frhe sjgg said...

I felt that way when I met my married man too. That certainty, that thrill, that hope, that, well, all of it !

It is defintely a Pandora's Box and a roller-coaster...

The 'what if it's perfect' worry -- that's part of it too...

Beautiful graphic as well...

Sincerely,
Anne Elizabeth

17/10/06 5:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You deserve someone to love you unconditionally and love you all the time. If he can't offer you this, I urge you not take this plunge. Once you do, it is so hard to get out of and it often kills you more then it makes you stronger. Be careful, my love. I wouldn't wish loving a married man on anyone.

17/10/06 9:49 PM  
Blogger Al Sensu said...

And why not...there's no explaining love.

20/10/06 12:43 AM  

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