The REAL Secret Girl

I’ve been pondering in recent days and even weeks where I should go here. I like telling you my fantasies, I really enjoy playing with DSB over there, but I know that there’s more to me to say. There’s more that I’d like to say, that I can’t say to those that know me, at least casually. I want to tell you guys all my secrets. I’m also inspired by some of my fellow sex bloggers that somehow manage to find a balance between sex and life on their blogs. I bow to AAG and WryGirl and J and Madame X and of course the Master of all, Art, who all seem to tell us the naughty and mix it with real life. I think that was my goal but somehow I got all caught up in pleasing and fantasizing and then became afraid that you didn’t really want to know the REAL me. Stupid insecurities huh? I should just tell it and if you like, that’s great, if you don’t, that’s fine too.

So I think I’m going to make a real effort here. Oh I’ll still be naughty and tell you my fantasies, but I may mix it with some real frustration about my relationship(s) because that’s what I’m really feeling, if I'm honest. AAG did a great post about that very subject today that kind of pushed me over the edge here. Thanks hun! That said, some of what I write may be fact, some of it may just be some version of the truth and some of it may be complete fantasy. I will never tell. Because, truth be told, I’d deny just about everything here in a court of law. Sorry.

I think in doing this I will post more often, even the short ones because I won't feel the pressing urgency to come up with this whole fantasy for you. I can just tell you what's in my head, right now without fear of someone judging. You guys won't judge will you? No way.

So here goes…. ironically starting where I started over 6 months ago…

I'm a "normal" 30 something year old woman, wife and mom. You see me in line at the grocery store, in church, at ballet class with my children. You see me with my husband in restaurants and attending community events. I love my family BUT I have a secret. There's a side of me they will never see. There's a side of me that keeps me sane. That side is spontaneous and daring and very, very sexual.

I have needs and desires that my husband of many years has no desire to fill. This frustrates me beyond words. I go through cycles of emotions from thinking something is wrong with me, to thinking something is wrong with him, to anger, to fear, to sadness. For most of my marraige I have satisfied my urges through flirtations and relationships stopping just short of sex. I have at least once sought the comfort of a lover and found it quite satisfying, feeling very little guilt. While I doubt I'll ever leave my husband, I know just as surely that I will probably never be faithful again. I simply cannot and as selfish as it sounds, it's best that way.